Our Seva was born from the polarity of the most challenging and most heroing moments of my personal journey into motherhood.
It was a deep desire for wanting things to be different for myself and new mothers that lit the spark within, turning me into an activist for change. With the desire to stir things paired with the gentle whispers from my inner wisdom, I created a community of fellow change-seekers determined to honor women differently. As a collective, we are shifting the dialogue, where feeling validated, being seen, and knowing you are heard is the new normal in mother/woman care.
Since our community’s launch in January 2020, I’ve been completely blown away by the early support. The rallying “me toos” are concrete evidence that this type of safe space needs to exist and the efforts of facilitating progressive conversations is 100% worth the resources. We’ve found common ground in the knowledge that we are all in this together, providing the soft landings and the listening ears. As a variegated collective, we are women thinking about conceiving, women in the depths of our fertility journey, women on the threshold of birth, women in the dense fog of early postpartum and women, like myself who are finally finding new footing in our new roles as mothers…More proof that the need for change is not exclusively a mother’s issue, but a woman’s issue.
I’m one of those people who hits a milestone and breezes right past it, forgetting to honor it for what it is and what it’s there to teach me. In an effort to not do that, this week I’m pausing. We’re taking an audit and celebrating. My inner wisdom has been whispering, so I must listen and I’m eager to share what she’s telling me!
She whispers, “Drop the labels”.
My entire journey through unexplained infertility, unexpected birth outcome and unprepared postpartum left me in a heightened state of reality where anxious was my status quo. I had no idea what “at ease” felt like and my blood pressure had found a new off-the-charts normal. I had become so enmeshed with the idea that anxiety was just part of it, this motherhood gig. I had unconsciously trained myself to become complacent with the frazzled day to day. I believed there would never be anything different. I saw everything through a clouded lens, until one day I didn’t.
It was a tedious, uncontrollable process of undoing. I was at the mercy of time simultaneously moving like a slug and lighting. Bitch! It took a solid two years after birth to see things more clearly. Of course there were moments along the way when layers of the dense fog would thin and glimmers of a more gentle, comprehensible routine would reveal itself. Thank the heavens for those moments!
With each subtle shift, I was finding ease in my new role, leaving behind ideologies and patterns that no longer served me. I was rediscovering my identity and shaping a new, robust inner compass.
It wasn’t until I started writing these personal anecdotes and sharing them with the Our Seva Motherhood Circle community that I realized anxiety was no longer driving the ship. I can still feel its presence, sure, but the conversations I’m having now no longer come from a guttural, survival mode response. As group facilitator, I have the privilege to be the sounding board for the victories and anxieties of this growing female-led community. When a mama utters the words of lost identities and expresses fears of the unknown, I feel her sentiments deep within my bones. On some level, her story is mine and I’m taken back to those long, arduous months of rediscovery.
But, that’s the beauty in all of this.
I’m looking back.
I’m now standing on solid ground with honest, transparent and empathetic responses, because I was her. I know you understand the weight of this transformation, because you were her too…or you are her. My inner wisdom has reminded me that the struggles and the undoing were all part of the purposeful pursuit.
These days, if I’m feeling anxious it usually stems from disconnection. I know that I can turn to this community, and the opportunity for connection and unapologetic personal transformation will be waiting for me. We have started to level-set a new standard of normal and it’s a great place to be.
She whispers, “Own your shit and stand in your expertise”.
This past fall, I hired a mindset coach to help me get out of my own way and make big strides to my goal of launching this community. If you’ve read my recent post on my journey into motherhood, you know the motive behind this personal project has been simmering for far too long. I knew I could do it on my own, but the extra confidence gained with the addition of a dedicated sounding board proved to be exactly what was needed.
We’d meet for bi-weekly “mindset shift sessions” and she’d call me out on my own shit each and every time. Thanks for that, Amanda! She’d say, “what’s stopping you from doing that now”, or “what would need to happen for you to feel like you had the credentials to show up”.
Ultimately, I discovered I was wasting my time on the things I was REALLY good at, so I could avoid the things that made me uncomfortable.
In my case, I was really good at crafting brand stories, websites, and content calendars, but I was pretty shit at sharing from a place of vulnerability and showing up consistently. I was pushing pixels hoping that great change would magically happen out of thin air. With each intention and each step outside of my comfort zone, this community started to take shape pretty quickly. I think this is manifestation 101, but I’ve just caught on.
Listening to your inner guide can be extremely challenging, especially if you’re one of the many mothers hijacked by anxious thoughts. I know you’re second guessing everything. You never quite know if you’re hearing whispers from the wisest parts of your soul of masked realities pretending to know what’s up. Here’s the thing…
Whether you’ve mastered tapping into your inner wisdom or not, know that you are the only expert of your story. You know each and every thread of your story like strands of your own DNA. Don’t question it. With expertise comes great confidence, and I’ve learned that this confidence allows me to show up in ways I didn’t know were possible. I know that when I speak, I’m speaking with authenticity and empathy that will resonate with many of you. There is no need to waffle about seeking credentials and outside validation when you’re already an expert. All you have to do is own it and show up. Great change is already happening.
She whispers, “Expect discomfort with vulnerability”.
When I first launched Our Seva, I was comfortably sharing my motherhood journey with a small audience. You’re able to hide behind a veil of security when you know limited people will be listening. As our village grew in numbers, simultaneously, my courage to share with more depth, authenticity, and transparency grew as well. Week after week, this community reverberates with rally cries when things are shared from a place of vulnerability, providing a soft place to land when you do so. It’s really inspiring! Give it a try 😉
With this new found rhythm of sharing vulnerable stories, the flood gates had been opened and there was no going back. I was no longer sharing about the day-to-day struggles of raising a toddler, but had jumped into the deep end of unfilited anecdotes about miscarriage, birth truama, postpartum anxiety, lost identity…all the stuff that I knew really mattered to me and the collective. It was the stuff that was hard to put into words. The stuff that was cathartic to write. The stuff that would be hard to receive, digest and be accepted by my support system. Vulnerability fatigue had set in. The adrenaline was crashing and the endurance to keep showing up was being questioned.
To those who knew me personally, the shared stories caught them off guard, and many chose to respond with silence or heart emojis. When people spoke up, I’d often get responses like “that’s some deep shit”, or “I had no idea you were going through that”. Responses that left me reading between the lines. Progressive dialogue had been halted by the arrival of discomfort. In these moments of questioning, my inner wisdom spoke to me. God, love her!
She said, “Expect discomfort. Expect silence”
She said, “Your words have triggered them into remembering a time when they too struggled.”
She said, “Your words weren’t meant for them.”
She said, “The seeds have been planted. Now watch them grow.”
She also whispered, “Keep showing up… Keep sharing.”
What I have grown to know is that sharing authentically is really, really uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable for you because you have to digest and process everything before being able to share with depth.
It’s uncomfortable to others because it often mirrors experiences that they’ve buried deep in their subconscious, hoping to never revisit. It could be that your story just doesn’t speak to them. It’s not meant for them…and that’s ok. Vulnerability has a bit of rawness to it, and that essence is exactly why we are drawn in. It leaves us feeling all the feels. It provides a sense of silent validation and recognition. It is the glue of this growing community and it’s a sticky mess to navigate, but we are doing this together.
My inner wisdom has been speaking gentle whispers to me a lot these days.
I think she knows that I’m ready to listen and have found a new rhythm that allows me to be tapped in more often. I’m building this new relationship with her and the more I listen, the better this journey through motherhood gets.
She’s asking me to re-evaluate my enmeshed personal identity with the label “postpartum anxiety” and to consider feelings of disconnection instead. My codependency with anxiety is no longer serving me. In moments of vulnerability fatigue, she’s whispering words of encouragement, providing validation that I’m the only expert of my story and that there is immense power in showing up and sharing it. She reminds me that great change is really uncomfortable (for everyone) and that the occasional sound of crickets means that things are sinking in, transforming. All of these inner whispers guiding me back to my most authentic self, building up my foundation so that I can help guide this paradigm shift.
I encourage you to dedicate moments of stillness to your day-to-day routine, so you too can hear those whispers. For me, I hear her wisdom the most when I’m in the shower, driving the car, sipping my coffee, watering my plants and folding the laundry. She’s never left my side and that’s the most comforting feeling. We are truly in this together <3
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Each week, expect a bite-sized personal reflection with accompanying journal prompt. My hope is that by sharing these reflections and prompts, you’ll be inspired into purposeful action and we’ll both be reassured that we are not alone in this process of unraveling.
Once a month, expect a curation of resources intended to inspire a deeper personal practice. There will be Q&A interviews to showcase how other women in this community navigate transformation, articles and podcasts that have made a lasting impression and practical mindfulness exercises to bring about sustainable change. If you’re a fan of mantra…there will be some of that too.