Jacintha Field, mama, motivational speaker and wellness coach, shares how her unexpected launch into motherhood opened up the door to live a life with more presence, intention and depth that only comes with sobriety. Jacintha, an Our Seva Motherhood Circle community member has witnessed the power in like-minded women rallying behind the awakening of our intuition and building trust in our motherly instincts. I’m excited to share how the birth of a mother can be the birth of a whole new enlightened day-to-day.
Q: Where are you on the path of motherhood – preconception, pregnancy, postpartum (less than 1 year) or forever postpartum (1+ year)?
I am a very proud mumma to my 6-year-old soul baby, Axel.
Q: Can you tell us about your transformative path to motherhood?
My journey started when I was 32 and it was quite a surprise. I always knew I wanted to be a mumma, but I wanted to control the journey. I thought I needed to be married, be settled and buy a house first. But like motherhood, my little guy had other ideas in store for me. When I became pregnant, I instantly knew this was a true blessing. But the start of my pregnancy was quite a rollercoaster ride. At 5/6 weeks, there was a 50% chance the pregnancy wouldn’t continue. I spent the week anxiously waiting and praying that my embryo would connect and grow. There is something very special about motherhood. A bond can be instant and for me, I felt that energetic connection very early on. So when the doctor told me that my little tadpole had survived the journey, I was so relieved. I had never felt happier. I was going to be a mumma!
I always read about how women loved being pregnant. How they flourished during their pregnancies and I was hopeful that my journey would be the same. However, for the first 4 1/2 months of pregnancy, it was not the picture I had envisioned. I felt hungover. I craved greasy foods. I couldn’t understand how anyone loved this feeling and honestly, I was a mess. A usually super healthy human was eating KFC 5 days in a row. My body craved carbs and a lot of them. But when the fog lifted coming into my 5th month of pregnancy, the feelings of bliss kicked in. The connection I first felt grew deeper. I adored feeling the butterfly kicks, knowing that this time during pregnancy wasn’t for me. I was creating life.
My birth was a blessing. I was 10 days overdue, induced, and had a four-hour labour. It sounds wonderful, but being induced is often referred to as a train wreck. I was dancing and jumping on a fit ball, physically and mentally ready with the knowledge from my calm birth classes and meditation music on hand. The next minute, I was face-planted (side-planted I should say) on the bed. I couldn’t move as my contractions escalated from 0 to 100 in a matter of minutes. The TENS machine didn’t do anything. All the prep I did was thrown out the window. I didn’t have a birth plan as such. Although I preferred a natural birth, I wanted to go in with no expectations. My only plan was to “birth a baby” and however that happened, I was OK with it. After I naturally gave birth, I bawled my eyes out. I was in awe of the miracle of birth. The moment I saw my baby boy’s face was the moment I knew this was true love.
Q: I think you would agree that motherhood changes you…rewires your DNA and the process of birth is also a process of being reborn yourself. How has shifting into the role of mother restructured the essence of your life?
I truly believe the essence of my life didn’t begin until I became a mum. My baby became my number one priority. I knew we would have a special bond and we most certainly do. Far greater than anything I could have imagined. The love you feel for a child is indescribable. I love being a mum. My little man truly lights up my world.
To become the best mother I could be, I needed to shed my old way of living and step into a new version of myself.
After a big night out when Axel was 18 months old, I made the choice to quit alcohol. The thought of waking up with a hangover with a two-year-old that does not sit still for a minute gave me anxiety. Deep down, I knew I needed to leave my old life behind and focus my attention on my family and future.
Being alcohol-free my mind is clearer. I make better life choices. I eat better. I nourish my body and mind daily. My life simply flows better. I am more meaningful and have a natural high for life. Plus I am a more present, nurturing mother.
Q: Can you share with us your journey towards conscious parenting and how the power of presence impacts your daily life with your son?
Motherhood isn’t always easy. Just like life, there are ups and downs. I am a huge advocate of the conscious and positive parenting practices by Dr. Shefali (one of my greatest parenting mentors). Dr. Shefali has taught me to discuss empathy, respect and boundaries with my son. We discuss the need for releasing our emotions either by talking, drawing, painting, ect, so we don’t have to hold them inside. Furthermore, we talk about how unreleased anger, sadness, and pain can turn into sickness in his body. When we hit crossroads, we try to work out a solution together. If we are having an emotional day, we stop everything and move into nature. We go for a bike ride, jump on the trampoline, practice breathwork or do some yoga. We live by five basic principles; respect, honesty, love, kindness and caring. We practice mantras together. The Ho’oponopono mantra is one of my favorites to recite together “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” If there is anger, we shake it out. We also do a lot of deep breathing in sequences of 10. We repeat the mantra SO HUM, which is a Vedic mantra converting to “I Am That” or SAT NAM, “I Am Truth”. We practice gratitude. I ask him most days what and who he is grateful for.
Although I birthed Axel into the world, it is my belief that I do not own him. I am here to guide him, teach him emotional intelligence, show him connection and empathy. My job as his mother is not to control him to become what I want him to be. It is to give him space and guidance so he can become the human he wants to be.
I am very honest with Axel about life. I teach him that we all make mistakes and it’s ok to admit to making a mistake. I show him that it is ok to cry and show emotion as a full expression of the heart. I teach him the importance of self love.. We openly discuss what makes him happy and what does not. Quite often it is eating vegetables (haha), but we discuss why eating these foods are necessary for his growth, rather than telling him that he must eat them. I have found it best to explain things in great detail to him and allow him to ask questions. For him to understand, he needs to know why.
My son is my greatest teacher. He has taught me patience (and a lot of it), presence, gratitude, love and reminds me not to take life too seriously. He teaches me that I am a work in progress. I get angry. I yell. I overreact. But he is so gracious. He forgives easily. He loves unconditionally. He challenges and teaches me in ways that no adult ever couldn’t.
I have spent my adult life dealing with issues from my childhood so it’s imperative to me to teach Axel what I wish I learnt as a kid. Children just want to be heard, seen, valued, and have a sense of belonging. As we all do. So I feel it’s important to listen to what Axel needs and wants by empowering his choices.
Q: As a woman/mother, what UNSPOKEN SPACES of womanhood/motherhood do you think deserve more attention? Any idea on how to help transform the dialogue to better validate and honor our journeys?
I wish I had like-minded mothers around me when my son was born. During this time, I was so confused about what “type” of mother I was supposed to be and I didn’t trust my own wisdom. I needed to go in and trust my intuition and motherly instincts. Today, I feel there is more open dialogue around motherhood and groups to support women who desire to go deeper within themselves, finding the essence of who we are.
I feel the journey of motherhood starts with the mother. This is the time for women to heal our wounds so we don’t pass these onto our children. We are challenged to break through trauma bonds and unhealthy patterns of codependency and attachment. We start to do this by releasing our emotions, healing our inner child, breaking through patterns of fear, creating boundaries and by working through the core root of our triggers. These are the discussions I wish more mothers would have. I would love our feelings and emotions to be normalized. It’s ok not to be ok. Motherhood is a journey. A rollercoaster filled with blissful moments and trying times.
Q: How have you built community for yourself?
As my journey progresses, I find more and more like-minded women to connect with. I am constantly evolving. I need to find people who resonate with that journey I’m on in that particular moment. I tend to mix in many different circles, allowing for certain friends to align at different times. I feel the best way to find a community is to be the most authentic version of yourself first and then those meant for you will come.
Q: If you were speaking to a soon-to-be mama or someone on their fertility journey, what sage words of wisdom would you impart on her?
Listen to your intuition. Every Tom, Dick and Harry will try and give you advice on how to parent. Everyone thinks their way is the right way…but it’s not. No one knows your child as well as you do. Every child is different so not every “parenting style” works for all children. When people give advice, respectfully listen, but trust your intuition and find pieces of information that resonates with you. A mother’s intuition is spot on, trust it and trust yourself. Kids are here to teach us. To challenge us. So during hard times, ask yourself what lessons can be learnt. If something triggers you, do some shadow work to work out why. Question everything and do lots of research. Challenge what doesn’t resonate with you.
Q: Any go-to resources you’d like to share to inspire continued transformation?
Conscious Parenting by Dr. Shefali
The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram
The work of Jay Shetty, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, and Eckhart Tolle.
Join Our Seva Motherhood Circle
In the Our Seva Motherhood Circle private Facebook group, we explore how the transition into motherhood often comes with the birth of a whole new identity and set of life principles. As a collective, we open up transparent dialogue around how the efforts of parenting with heightened awareness allows women to connect to the deeper pulse guiding us all, our inner wisdom. If this conversation stirs something within you or your seeking community to explore what this means for you, I’d love for you to join us!
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